Me, my house and I
My relationship with my house is a roller coaster. I paid too much for it. I bought it at I time I shouldn’t have and for the wrong reasons. I had house envy and desperately needed something to call mine. The backyard has been a disaster of irrigation repairs. I hate every major appliance in it with very specific disdain for my stove, which I have just recently realized is not level. But we’ve have good days. Just in the last month, I have filled my house with such happiness that it’s gone form a place where I live to a place with life.
I have had visitors. Two of my best friends, Sherri and Jerusha, came to stay for a long weekend. The patio, which I have spent a painstaking amount of time on, the place we gravitated to repeatedly despite the 100 degree weather. My daughter is here. Our life is here. Her laugh is here.
I am finding contentment and calm in this house. A few weekends ago got up early and cleaned the whole house and made a vat of marinara sauce. I lounged on my couch and read a backlog of Food & Wine about six months deep. The house was just quiet. I didn’t even hold my usual Sunday morning church. After a long nap, I putzed around my house listening to Joni Mitchell and Jeff Buckley and not wanting to do much of anything else.
I settled into the couch, started reading a book on Toltec wisdom, which is amazing and exhausting all at the same time. Lit about 392 candles and I am on about hour three of Chopin. I’ve gone through all of the Nocturnes. I prepped some food for the next day’s dinner. I didn’t talk to a soul.
It occurred to me that it just felt good. I saw, in a rare moment, how beautiful my house is. The candles are a substitute for the winter fireplace I’ve missed. The green wall of the kitchen is perfect, even as flawed of a paint job I gave it. I have pictures all over the house and books are in every single room, as many as I can logically put there. My bedroom has become like a sanctuary and a much happier place since I hung the pictures of downtown Savannah. Yes, the carpet needs replacing and the countertops stain way too easily and the master bath shower is way too small. But, it’s mine and it’s beautiful.
I could spend a lot more time like this. No TV, no voices, no expectations, no to-do list. I have a long way to finding peace here, but it’s coming.
I love spending time with No TV, no voices, no expectations and no to-do lists. Its rare and essential!
PS: adding you to my blogroll now.
So what wisdom did the Toltec people share with you? would you be so kind as to share with us?
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