Tip of the Week: Find your people

Yesterday I had a small BBQ for the 4th. Really small, there were 5 of us, a mess of food and a ludicrous amount of margaritas. We spent most time time in the pool talking and relaxing. It was the perfect day. Two years ago, it would not have happened. I had NO friends. Please take a moment to feel bad for me. Ya done? Thanks. I felt it.

The last months of my marriage I was horrifically depressed. I had gained 20 pounds, felt totally helpless and had shut out all of my friends. When I got divorced I had to rebuild my whole life really. The first year I dated someone for about nine months and that was the biggest part of my social life. When that ended I found myself again with no social life. I gave up on dating and just want to find people to hang out with. I needed to find my people.

So here I am: single mom who works over 40 hours a week and only has Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights available. This is not really conducive to meeting people. Of course, I ended up using the same means of finding new people as I did with dating. I went online. I was looking for a hiking group in my areas and came upon Meetup.com. I found not only hiking groups but a social group for people in their 20′s and 30′s. The calendar was full of all kinds of events – wine tastings, dinner, dancing, concerts, volleyball, picnics.

I threw myself into it. Now I had plans! Fun ones! And, I’ll tell you, though people there did meet and date it was not the point. But, the male attention made me feel pretty damn good! I loved the group so much that I agreed to be an organizer. This way I could post an event that I really wanted to go to and have lots of folks to go with me. Most excellent. I found my people.

Finding your people is a great comfort in life. It helps us remember were not alone. There are people out there like us regardless of how goofy or quirky we are. I remember about a year and a half ago I had some friends come out to visit from all over the country. We try to get together as often as possible. I had a great moment driving down Scottsdale road in the middle of the afternoon with my friends Deanna and Jerusha. We had just had lunch at my favorite little dive Mexican bar. We’ve got my iPod on shuffle and Deanna and I are singing Pink Martini’s “Dosvedanya Mio Bambino” very loudly. Jerusha is in the back laughing her head off and trying to drown us out with the soundtrack to Wicked in her earbuds. I realized it then. I had found my people. And I love them. They make me happy.

Have you found your people? If you haven’t, do it. Now. Go join a reading club, or a knitting group, or a wine tasting group. We all need community. Yesterday I had a small BBQ for the 4th. Really small, there were 5 of us, a mess of food and a ludicrous amount of margaritas. We spent most of the time in the pool talking and relaxing. They are my urban family. Go forth and find yours.

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